{"id":2928,"date":"2024-12-07T07:34:47","date_gmt":"2024-12-07T07:34:47","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/fathercodersoldierspy.com\/?page_id=2928"},"modified":"2025-03-22T05:04:36","modified_gmt":"2025-03-22T05:04:36","slug":"another-mans-children","status":"publish","type":"page","link":"http:\/\/fathercodersoldierspy.com\/?page_id=2928","title":{"rendered":"Another Man’s Children"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

December 2024<\/span><\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"\"<\/figure>\n\n\n\n

Introduction<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

American men marrying single mothers. Noble, or stupid? Savior, or volunteer cuckhold? Kind benefactor, or ATM machine? Appreciated, or taken for granted? Those are all emotional views of the dynamic. What could or should happen, good or bad. What about the practical view? What really happens? We will examine that now. Below are some of the realities of being a step-father. Detractors will claim not all situations are like this<\/em>. They are correct, but the vast majority of situations are exactly like this, or close enough to generalize about it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

(Note: This article describes the reality of marrying a single mother in the United States. The dynamics may be very different in other parts of the world. In fact, I have seen it to be very different in the Philippines and other parts of Southeast Asia.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The Step-Father Comes Last<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

The woman\u2019s children will always come before the husband. Always. They were there first, you came later. But wait, it gets better. You\u2019re not second, or even third. Second is the wife\u2019s family. After that comes the biological father. That\u2019s right, the children\u2019s father will be a permanent fixture in your life. Even if he\u2019s a great guy and you get along well, he\u2019s still an extra man in your marriage. A man who once shared an intimate bond with your now wife. He saw her naked, touched her body, shared complete intimacy with her. They will still talk regularly, and not just about the children. There\u2019s nothing you can do about it except shut up and take it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The father\u2019s family will also be in your life. The grandparents, the aunts, the uncles, the cousins. There is a good chance some of them will dislike you. They may try to turn the step-children against you. That is not parental alienation, because you are not the biological parent. Their allegiance is to their son\/brother\/uncle, not you. Their family functions and events will come before your family functions and events. You will be at the mercy of their schedule and desires. You might even be on the hook to chauffer the children to the father and his family on a regular basis for visitation.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You come last. That\u2019s it. Except when it comes for time to pay for things. Which leads to \u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You Are an ATM<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

However you may want to wrap it up in nobility or kindness, you are a life support system for an ATM. That\u2019s  your primary (sometimes only) role. She never would have married you if you were an unemployed bum. In fact, she never would have married you unless you had a substantially greater income than her and were willing to share all or most of it with her. Perhaps you provide the sole income, so she can \u201cfocus on being a mother.\u201d A mother to children who are not even yours. Be advised that if this is the situation, you are setting yourself up to give her a major cash payout when she divorces you. Statistically, there is a 60% or greater chance of that happening.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You’re Not Their Father<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

The mother will step in any time she wants and override you as the head of the household. In fact, marrying a single mother is a de facto<\/em> admission that you are not the head of the household. Believe me, the mother will step in often to overrule you. She probably operates on emotion, while you operate on logic. She operates on how things feel while you operate on the consequences. The kids just have to shed one tear, make a pouty face, or lament that it\u2019s not fair<\/em> for her to overrule any real-world consequences you bring to the equation. Case closed. The kids get what they want. The children figure this out very quickly and pull the strings of their mother\u2019s emotions to get what they want, never mind discipline or real-world consequences. This will grow progressively worse as the kids grow older, culminating in absolute monsterhood during the teenage years. Expect heavy expenses for their spoiled and selfish actions, possibly even jail time.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Contempt<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

Although there might be appreciation for your support, both financial and physical, that is usually taken for granted rather quickly. Within a year, what you provide becomes expected, then demanded, then insufficient. They will want more and more. Why? Because this entire dynamic is ruled by the mother who \u201cfeels\u201d that you, the man, should be doing more. She and her offspring are spoiled children whose wants and desires are never checked by the real world. You will be treated with contempt as a person with responsibility, but no authority. Do you know what they call a person with responsibility, but no authority? A slave. How are slaves viewed by those above them, who reap the fruits of their work? With contempt.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The Children Are Not Yours<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

The mother can take them out of your life at any time and you don\u2019t even have the meager protection US courts give the biological father to get visitation. Many step-fathers form strong bonds with their step-children, investing time, resources and emotion into them for many years. Then the mother abruptly and permanently removes them from the man\u2019s life. Forever. I\u2019ve seen many men devastated by this. Ironically, the same courts that take these children away from the man, sometimes have no problem forcing the man to continue paying money to the woman for children that are not his and who he will never see again.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

She is a Flight Risk<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

Over 60% of all second marriages involving children end in divorce within 10 years. Some statistics are as high as 73%. Would you make a financial investment at those odds? No, but that is exactly what you are doing when you marry a single mother. Rest assured that she will get preferential treatment from the family courts, because she has children and no Y chromosome. You will end up paying. A lot. Even if none of the children are yours. If you do have children together, she will take your biological children from you as well, and you will end up paying even more. Now your biological children will have siblings who are already against you and will assist the mother in alienating you from them. This is not negativity, it is reality. It happens thousands of times every year to thousands of men.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Disclaimer<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

This reality is specific to the West, especially the United State. It may be different in other cultures. Where I live, in the Philippines, I see a lot of Western men marrying single-mother Filipinas. I do not know the internal dynamics of their relationships, looking from the outside I see far more happy relationships that seem to last.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Conclusion<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

All of this is reality. If you look hard, you can find exceptions. There\u2019s always a guy or girl somewhere who states that the step-father made a real difference in their life. I applaud their efforts, but make no mistake, they gambled at tremendous risk and won. Are you going to bet your family and finances on hitting a single number on the roulette wheel? For every one of those who won, there are thousands who lost. For every step-father who actually had authority, there are thousands who didn\u2019t. For every step-father where the mother was the main financial provider, there are thousands where he was on the hook for finances.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The exception does not prove anything. There is a huge chance that all of the above will apply to your situation as well. Well over 50%. Probably closer to 70%. Would you accept those kinds of odds for the probability of a plane or automobile crash? Of course not. How about the opposite of a less than 50%, or less than 10%, chance that your investment would make any profit at all. No. Marrying a single mother is an investment, in time, money and love. In most cases, it is a bad investment.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

December 2024 Introduction American men marrying single mothers. Noble, or stupid? Savior, or volunteer cuckhold? Kind benefactor, or ATM machine? Appreciated, or taken for granted? Those are all emotional views of the dynamic. What could or should happen, good or bad. What about the practical view? What really happens? We will examine that now. Below are some of the realities of being a step-father. Detractors will claim not all situations are like this. They are correct, but the vast majority of situations are exactly like this, or close enough to generalize about it. (Note: This article describes the reality of marrying a single mother in the United States. The dynamics may be very different in other parts of the world. In fact, I have seen it to be very different in the Philippines and other parts of Southeast Asia.) The Step-Father Comes Last The woman\u2019s children will always come before the husband. Always. They were there first, you came later. But wait, it gets better. You\u2019re not second, or even third. Second is the wife\u2019s family. After that comes the biological father. That\u2019s right, the children\u2019s father will be a permanent fixture in your life. Even if he\u2019s a great […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"parent":0,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"footnotes":""},"class_list":["post-2928","page","type-page","status-publish","hentry"],"yoast_head":"\r\nAnother Man's Children - Father, Coder, Soldier, Spy<\/title>\r\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\r\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"http:\/\/fathercodersoldierspy.com\/?page_id=2928\" \/>\r\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\r\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\r\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Another Man's Children - Father, Coder, Soldier, Spy\" \/>\r\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"December 2024 Introduction American men marrying single mothers. Noble, or stupid? Savior, or volunteer cuckhold? Kind benefactor, or ATM machine? Appreciated, or taken for granted? Those are all emotional views of the dynamic. What could or should happen, good or bad. What about the practical view? What really happens? We will examine that now. Below are some of the realities of being a step-father. Detractors will claim not all situations are like this. They are correct, but the vast majority of situations are exactly like this, or close enough to generalize about it. (Note: This article describes the reality of marrying a single mother in the United States. The dynamics may be very different in other parts of the world. In fact, I have seen it to be very different in the Philippines and other parts of Southeast Asia.) The Step-Father Comes Last The woman\u2019s children will always come before the husband. Always. They were there first, you came later. But wait, it gets better. You\u2019re not second, or even third. Second is the wife\u2019s family. After that comes the biological father. 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