A friend’s former step-daughter posted on social media that she decided it was time to put the past behind her and grow up. She’s been sober from drugs and alcohol for a year now and is ready to be a responsible adult. That’s great, except she’s already 40, with a 12-year-old child. Growing up should have happened 25 years ago. However, her mother not only enabled, but made it advantageous, for her daughter to remain an irresponsible child decades in to official adulthood.
The step-daughter rolled out the standard entitled reasons to claim victim status as an excuse for being a 40-year-old child. It was all trauma from her youth and mental issues she could not control. None of it, of course, was her fault.
She claimed trauma in her youth, growing up in a double six-figure income family in a wealthy suburb. She was spoiled rotten by her mother, with multiple cars as soon as she turned 16, wrecking most of them. She was highly promiscuous, favoring bad boys and gang bangers. She caught her first STD already at age 14. After age 18, she was evicted from multiple apartments and had a caravan of creditors pursuing her, as well as a private investigator from the Securities and Exchange Commission. Whenever the step-father made any attempt to hold her accountable, her mother would intervene and say she would handle it. However, the only thing she handled was covering things up, paying off the damages under the table, and smoothing things over.
The step-daughter eventually ended up with multiple arrests and convictions for things like DUI, theft, forgery, fraud and drug possession. She jumped bail twice, leaving her step-father hanging for thousands of dollars. The police even raided the parent’s house looking for her. She still has arrest warrants in several counties. When the step-father had enough and the bail outs ended, she began falsely accusing him of various things in an attempt to blackmail him into getting her way. He was never charged with anything, but the mother used that as an excuse to divorce and leave the man, after he had gotten her a US citizenship and funded both her bachelor’s and master’s degrees.
The step-daughter and her mother claimed Borderline Personality Disorder was at fault for all the trouble the girl caused, but no medical professional ever diagnosed her as having it. How convenient. A blank check to do impulsive, stupid things and spend other people’s money, often after having stolen or conned it from them. The only people who suffered trauma from her youth were her parents, especially the step-father who spent thousands bailing her out, only to have her falsely accuse him in the end, destroy the family, and take a big chunk of his wealth with her.
She stated on social media that she discovered what truly mattered to her was “genuine love for one another.” Then, just a few sentences later, she stated that she expects reciprocation from people if she does something for them. She then claims that if they do not reciprocate, she will no longer speak to them because they have to do some inner work on themselves. Understand this. If you won’t give her something she wants, it is your fault and you need to work on yourself. She expects that doing something for you indebts you to her. She ended by saying she will no longer be in the presence of people who do not recognize her worth. What worth, exactly, is that? You have to have a track record of worth before you can call yourself worthy. She just became an adult yesterday at age 40. In a nutshell, she is just as selfish and entitled as she was as a destructive teenager. She just packages and markets it better now.
She is expecting recognition and praise for something millions of people do their entire adult lives without fanfare … assuming the responsibility of and acting like an adult. Somehow, her achieving this normal and expected milestone over 20 years late should be heralded and celebrated. Moreover, we have no proof as of yet that she is actually even adulting. You are simply expected to shower her in advance with attention and praise for announcing her intent to do something unremarkable and normal that every person on earth does … grow up. Here’s a cookie, now shut up and start adulting. I’m not holding my breath.
So, where was the biological father throughout all this? Unfortunately, he was murdered years ago in a gang-related incident.
Here are some take-aways from this for men, illustrating red flags that were there from the start:
- Beware of a woman’s (or man’s) noble sounding epiphanies. They are worthless without several years of concrete actions to back them up. A proclamation of “I have grown up” is often just a call for others to kow-tow in acknowledgement of new found, false worthiness.
- Be very cautious marrying a single mother or trying to help raise another man’s children, especially with an entitled Western woman. Make sure she will actually let you parent.
- Do a background check on women before you enter into a relationship with or marry them. The death of the girl’s father in a gang-related murder was a huge red flag. Moreover, the fact that the mother was not a US citizen did not surface until after they were married.
- If you do find yourself in the type of hell described above, get out fast and quick. Do not hang on hoping things will change or improve after the child becomes an adult and leaves home. It will only become worse then, and more expensive. In this case it took 22 more years until age 40, before even a glimmer of self-awareness crept in.
Sadly, I see this scenario played out countless times by both women and men, or should I say, by both girls and boys. Eternal children who never grow up. Never take responsibility. Never produce anything of value. Never contribute to society. However, they have a plethora of excuses as to why it is not their fault. The girls however, can perpetually play the victim card and get loads of support from the government, society, and clueless men to continue enabling their childhood. This is not possible for most boys.
