Time To Grow Up

A friend’s former step-daughter posted on social media that she decided it was time to put the past behind her and grow up. She’s been sober from drugs and alcohol for a year now and is ready to be a responsible adult. That’s great, except she’s already 40, with a 12-year-old child. Growing up should have happened 25 years ago. However, her mother not only enabled, but made it advantageous, for her daughter to remain an irresponsible child decades in to official adulthood.

The step-daughter rolled out the standard entitled reasons to claim victim status as an excuse for being a 40-year-old child. It was all trauma from her youth and mental issues she could not control. None of it, of course, was her fault.

She claimed trauma in her youth, growing up in a double six-figure income family in a wealthy suburb. She was spoiled rotten by her mother, with multiple cars as soon as she turned 16, wrecking most of them. She was highly promiscuous, favoring bad boys and gang bangers. She caught her first STD already at age 14. After age 18, she was evicted from multiple apartments and had a caravan of creditors pursuing her, as well as a private investigator from the Securities and Exchange Commission. Whenever the step-father made any attempt to hold her accountable, her mother would intervene and say she would handle it. However, the only thing she handled was covering things up, paying off the damages under the table, and smoothing things over.

The step-daughter eventually ended up with multiple arrests and convictions for things like DUI, theft, forgery, fraud and drug possession. She jumped bail twice, leaving her step-father hanging for thousands of dollars. The police even raided the parent’s house looking for her. She still has arrest warrants in several counties. When the step-father had enough and the bail outs ended, she began falsely accusing him of various things in an attempt to blackmail him into getting her way. He was never charged with anything, but the mother used that as an excuse to divorce and leave the man, after he had gotten her a US citizenship and funded both her bachelor’s and master’s degrees.

The step-daughter and her mother claimed Borderline Personality Disorder was at fault for all the trouble the girl caused, but no medical professional ever diagnosed her as having it. How convenient. A blank check to do impulsive, stupid things and spend other people’s money, often after having stolen or conned it from them. The only people who suffered trauma from her youth were her parents, especially the step-father who spent thousands bailing her out, only to have her falsely accuse him in the end, destroy the family, and take a big chunk of his wealth with her.

She stated on social media that she discovered what truly mattered to her was “genuine love for one another.” Then, just a few sentences later, she stated that she expects reciprocation from people if she does something for them. She then claims that if they do not reciprocate, she will no longer speak to them because they have to do some inner work on themselves. Understand this. If you won’t give her something she wants, it is your fault and you need to work on yourself. She expects that doing something for you indebts you to her. She ended by saying she will no longer be in the presence of people who do not recognize her worth. What worth, exactly, is that? You have to have a track record of worth before you can call yourself worthy. She just became an adult yesterday at age 40. In a nutshell, she is just as selfish and entitled as she was as a destructive teenager. She just packages and markets it better now.

She is expecting recognition and praise for something millions of people do their entire adult lives without fanfare … assuming the responsibility of and acting like an adult. Somehow, her achieving this normal and expected milestone over 20 years late should be heralded and celebrated. Moreover, we have no proof as of yet that she is actually even adulting. You are simply expected to shower her in advance with attention and praise for announcing her intent to do something unremarkable and normal that every person on earth does … grow up. Here’s a cookie, now shut up and start adulting. I’m not holding my breath.

So, where was the biological father throughout all this? Unfortunately, he was murdered years ago in a gang-related incident.

Here are some take-aways from this for men, illustrating red flags that were there from the start:

  • Beware of a woman’s (or man’s) noble sounding epiphanies. They are worthless without several years of concrete actions to back them up. A proclamation of “I have grown up” is often just a call for others to kow-tow in acknowledgement of new found, false worthiness.
  • Be very cautious marrying a single mother or trying to help raise another man’s children, especially with an entitled Western woman. Make sure she will actually let you parent.
  • Do a background check on women before you enter into a relationship with or marry them. The death of the girl’s father in a gang-related murder was a huge red flag. Moreover, the fact that the mother was not a US citizen did not surface until after they were married.
  • If you do find yourself in the type of hell described above, get out fast and quick. Do not hang on hoping things will change or improve after the child becomes an adult and leaves home. It will only become worse then, and more expensive. In this case it took 22 more years until age 40, before even a glimmer of self-awareness crept in.

Sadly, I see this scenario played out countless times by both women and men, or should I say, by both girls and boys. Eternal children who never grow up. Never take responsibility. Never produce anything of value. Never contribute to society. However, they have a plethora of excuses as to why it is not their fault. The girls however, can perpetually play the victim card and get loads of support from the government, society, and clueless men to continue enabling their childhood. This is not possible for most boys.

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Judging, elevating or favorably treating others by physical characteristics, or traits. Replaces racism due to the fact that there is only one race, human.

The overriding view that women are strong and independent, don’t need men, and are more competent and wiser than men. Men are to realize and admit that they are both inferior and toxic.

Giving too much attention and affection, whether through gifts, compliments, or acts of service as a way of seeking validation from someone else.

Instead of accepting responsibility and facing the uncomfortable situation head-on, the deflectors will try to move the focus from themselves, usually by passing the blame onto someone or something else.

Individuals are confronted with two choices, both of which have negative results. The choices are framed to produce an emotional response in the person, forcing them to choose or look bad. The individual will fail, no matter what choice they make. The abuser will use this as leverage to further manipulate the victim by depicting them as weak, flawed or ineffective.

The manipulative process by which individual or collective freedom of choice and action is compromised by agents or agencies that modify or distort perception, motivation, affect, cognition and/or behavioral outcomes. The person being mind controlled is not aware of the influence process, nor of the changes occurring within themselves. They believe they are acting according to their own choices.

A declaration of an intention or determination to inflict punishment, injury, etc. to frighten and emotionally force a person to do something.

The intentional manipulation of another person’s emotions to induce feelings of guilt. It is a form of emotional blackmail that is often designed to manipulate other people by preying on their emotions and making them feel responsible for something they are not.

Using sarcasm and put-downs to increase fear and self-doubt in the victim. Manipulators use this tactic to make others feel unworthy and therefore defer to them. Manipulators can make one feel ashamed for even daring to challenge them or say no.

Attempting to establish a perceived close bond with someone very quickly to overcome their natural caution and use them for money, resources or work. This is often involves a quick push for friendship or intimacy.

A manipulative tactic where someone portrays themselves as a victim to gain sympathy, attention, or caregiving. The goal is to make the person eliciting pity seem like a victim, which can make it easier to get what they want without being seen as a bad guy. This is because people are naturally inclined to help those they pity.

A woman is simultaneously a victim and empowered, until something happens. Then she chooses which state benefits her the most.

A woman is simultaneously a victim and empowered, until something happens. Then she chooses which state benefits her the most.

A Chad is a stereotypical alpha male. He is depicted as attractive, successful, muscular, cocky and very popular among women. He has a tendency to play the field and will not commit to any woman.

An enabler of a highly narcissistic person or someone with narcissistic personality disorder (NPD). A flying monkey is an agent who acts on their behalf.

Projection involves taking an unacceptable part of oneself, disowning it, and placing it onto someone else. The manipulator describes the victim and paints them in a light that more accurately portrays the attacker himself.

Toxic amnesia is a tactic where the perpetrator pretends to not remember abuse, betrayals, lies, and other hurtful and dysfunctional behaviors they've engaged in. Its a form of gaslighting. Its purpose is to make you doubt your perceptions and memories.

Narcissistic rage can be triggered by various situations, such as criticism, perceived rejection, or being ignored. The reaction is often extreme and disproportionate to the event or comment, as the narcissist's fragile ego struggles to cope with the perceived attack on their self-image.

Triangulation is when a toxic or manipulative person, often a person with strong narcissistic traits, brings a third person into their relationship in order to remain in control. There will be limited or no communication between the two triangulated individuals except through the manipulator. It may appear in different forms, but all are about divide and conquer, or playing people against each other.

The action or practice of lavishing someone with attention or affection, especially in order to influence or manipulate them.

Cognitive dissonance refers to a situation involving conflicting attitudes, beliefs, or behaviors. This produces a feeling of mental discomfort leading to an alteration in one of the attitudes, beliefs, or behaviors to reduce the discomfort and restore balance.

To gaslight someone means to manipulate another person into doubting their own perceptions, experiences or understanding of events. ~ American Psychological Association

Because their sense of self is determined by what others think of them, narcissists use relationships for self-enhancement. Everyone must feed them. In addition, they seek validation and attention in their public and professional life. Other people are used as objects in order to provide their supply. For example, they may need constant compliments or applause, more status and money, or may check their appearance in the mirror several times a day. ~ Psychology Today

Fraud that targets people belonging to a particular community or group, typically that in which someone pretends to be a member of the group in order to gain the trust of others.

Second Attack
Second Attack
First Attack
First Attack
Initial Dispositions
Initial Dispositions
ZSU 23-4
ZSU 23-4 Anti-Aircraft Gun
TOW Missile
TOW Anti-Tank Missile
T55 Tank
T55 Tank
SA7
SA7 Surface to Air Missile
M113
M113 Armored Personnel Carrier (APC)
M48 Tank
M48 Tank
Hawker Hunter
Hawker Hunter Jet
BTR-50
BTR-50 Armored Personnel Carrier
BM21 Stalin Organ
BM21 Stalin Organ
Howitzer
Howitzer
AT7 Anti-Tank Missile
AT7 Anti-Tank Missile
AT3 Sagger Anti-Tank Missile
AT3 Sagger Anti-Tank Missile
120mm Mortar
120mm Mortar
AT4 Anti-Tank Missile
AT4 Anti-Tank Missile

Moreover if your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault between you and him alone. If he hears you, you have gained your brother. But if he will not hear, take with you one or two more, that ‘by the mouth of two or three witnesses every word may be established.’ And if he refuses to hear them, tell it to the church. But if he refuses even to hear the church, let him be to you like a heathen and a tax collector.

A religious leader uses valid verses or concepts from the Bible about following and obeying God to generate enthusiasm in people, then misdirects that obedience to himself as a representative of God. The group believes they are following and obeying God, but in reality are obeying the leader.

A fictional, exaggerated version of an opposing viewpoint, especially one that is intentionally created to be easy to dismiss or argue against and to make one's own argument seem stronger. Straw man arguments can be made unintentionally, but most are made on purpose to make the other side seem evil, incompetent, or extremist.

The religious leader distracts members from mentally registering what he is doing.  Screaming praise to God when something he proclaimed does not come to pass.  Acting like a bad thing is really a good thing.  Just keep talking and talking and talking, while ignoring that nothing is happening. It is the same thing politicians have done successfully for years.

The leader calls members flattering adjectives or nouns, like righteous, holy, or saint.  These are often vague and difficult to define, so the member feels the leader’s superior knowledge has recognized something good in them.  Conversely, if the leader later withdraws this praise, the member is eager to toe the line to recover it.

Manipulation of a person or group's emotions in order to make them believe something is factual (or false) in the absence of any evidence. The manipulator tries to draw on the recipient's inward feelings such as fear, pity, or joy with the goal of convincing them that the statements being presented are true or false.

Essentially a black-and-white worldview with the leader as the ultimate moral arbiter. This creates an atmosphere of guilt and shame, where punishment and humiliation are expected. It also sets up an environment wherein members spy and report on one another. Through submission to the guilt-inducing and impossible demand for purity, members lose their moral bearing.

The use of jargon internal to (and only understandable by) the group. Constricting language constricts the person. Capacities for thinking and feeling are significantly reduced. Imagination is no longer a part of life experiences, and the mind atrophies from disuse.

The process whereby the group becomes the ultimate arbiter and all nonbelievers become so-called evil or non-people. If these non-people cannot be recruited, then they can be punished or even killed. This process creates an us-versus-them mentality that breeds fear in followers who learn that life depends on a willingness to obey. This is when individuals merge with the group’s belief.