The One Who Got Away

August 2024

A friend of mine was in a long-distance relationship with a woman for several years. He was in the USA and she was in another country. He felt something was off, because she didn’t chat online with him as much as usual and started declining video chats. He dug into social media. Not just hers, but her friends and family, and their friends and family, and their friends and family. After less than an hour, he found it. Pictures of a party, with her and some other man hanging all over each other.  He took screen shots and sent them to her, asking what was going on.

She deflected and made excuses. Where did he find the pictures? The guy wasn’t anyone important. It was just one party. My friend remained silent, giving her more rope to hang herself, which she eventually did. When he would not respond to her, she eventually broke down and confessed that she had sex with another man and got pregnant. The child was already one year old. She had strung my friend along for almost two years.

She stated that sex with the other guy was just a one-time thing. She was drunk. She didn’t enjoy it. He was abusive and not there for his child. All the standard lies and excuses. It’s amazing how many cheating women get pregnant from “just one time.” Ever try to have a baby with a woman? It can take months, even with a woman in the prime of her fertility. Also, it’s pretty easy to know roughly when you’re ovulating. Why go out drinking with guys during that time period and open yourself up to drunk sex? Why go out drinking with men at all when you are already in a committed relationship? No, the more likely story is that this guy was her boyfriend behind my friend’s back and she was just stringing my friend along for whatever she could get out of him.

Needless to say, my friend was devastated. This wasn’t his first rodeo however, so he didn’t collapse into a pile of depression or crawl into a bottle. Instead, he took a step back and considered the situation for several days while also praying to God about it. Against counsel and better sense, he decided to give her a second chance and take her back. He even offered to be a step-father to her child, given that the “abusive” biological father had abandoned them. It was a questionable decision to take her back, but there is no doubting the kindness of his heart. She was tearful and said all the usual grateful words. Things were … OK … for a while.

Just a few weeks later, she ghosted my friend after stating she couldn’t be with him and was going back to the child’s father, so they could “be a family.” That was the final straw for my fiend. He is a kind man, but even his patience is finite. He cut her out of his life and moved on.

Fast forward several months. She starts bombarding his social media with messages stating “how sorry” she is and begging for “one more chance.” My friend’s curiosity got the better of him and he asked her what was going on. She said the child’s father had led her on, then abused and dumped her. The abuse allegations were probably exaggerated, or even outright lies, given how she kept running back to him. Please spare me all the rhetoric about women being powerless. They have a lot more power in such situations than the common narrative pushes, but playing the poor, helpless victim is to their advantage. If he was abusive, where is the arrest record? 

However, the “led on and dumped” dynamic is very typical of the toxic men for whom many women so eagerly spread their legs. I pointed out to my friend that the guy probably caught wind that my friend had offered to take her back, so he rushed back to love bomb the woman, pull her away from a decent man, then crap all over her again once the deed was done. Predictably, she fell for it … because that is what she is attracted to.

My friend was done with her and told her there was no way in hell he would ever take her back into his life. She had more than proven herself as a liar, deceiver and person of low character. That barely put a speed bump into her efforts. She bombarded him with messages for the next few months. Every time he blocked her on one platform, she found another avenue or worked around it somehow. She begged, pleaded and promised the world if he would only take her back. She even went into the dark realm of telling him he could do anything he wanted with her, a possible glimpse into what she craved from her relationship with the toxic guy. This only served to repulse my friend. No, he was done with her.

She began romanticizing the situation, as though she were some poor martyr sacrificing herself for her child, and my friend was “the one who got away.” Her social media became a show case of a mother’s selfless sacrifice and her strength for going it alone, with subtle references to “the one who got away” as losing out on something good. Never mind that she had willingly cheated on a good man to give herself to a malignant one. Never mind that she had strung this good man along for almost two years, lying to him and covering up her deceit. Never mind that he had forgiven her and taken her back, only to have her willingly blow it a second time. No, she was the righteous victim here, staying strong for her child. The good man was “the one who got away.” Except, he didn’t get away. She had him. He was going nowhere. Then she threw him away. Twice. He simply refused to come back the second time.

She also pushed a narrative of deserving to be treated good. Quotes like this filled her social media. Never allow someone into your life who doesn’t treat you the way you deserve or desire. That’s great. Tell me though, how does a person who cheats, lies, deceives and uses another person “deserve” to be treated? I believe in forgiveness, but the forgiven person should also be repentant of what they did. Proclaiming to be deserving of wonderful treatment while abusing others is not repentant. It is hypocrisy. Contrite self-refection, or even silence, would be better. My friend dodged a bullet through discovering her true nature and ending their relationship.

Lessons learned? First, beware of long-distance relationships. There is a very high likelihood of cheating, or even worse, being the side guy who is just being strung along. The same danger exists for women. It is just human nature to seek someone to be with. Remaining far apart just begs that to happen. It can be difficult for even the most disciplined of persons. If you want to be together, then make an effort to be together physically. Find a way to make it happen.

Second, trust but verify. The easiest way to verify today is to dig into her social media. This is easier on women’s social media because of their solipsistic nature. They love to put themselves on center stage. Every event. Every venue. Every party. Every experience. It is all out there for you to see. Even if your “lady” is savvy enough not to post it on her media, her female friends and relatives will post it on theirs. Search through all her friends and family, then all their friends and family. They cannot help but out themselves. It is in their nature. Conversely, if you find nothing bad about her on any of these various media, that is a positive sign. Be sure to search for any alternate accounts she might have. Use a new social media account to do so, in case she has blocked you on your original account. You might need to get creative or just grind through a bunch of her friend’s friend links and comments to find it.

Third, no second chances. What my friend did giving her another chance was kind. It even showed good character. However, it was not wise. Giving a cheater a second chance only confirms to them that you will put up with their cheating and they can do it again later. Even if they promise you the world or total control over them, it won’t last. They will eventually grow bored or chafe at your control and cheat again. I believe that some cheaters can and do change. It isn’t common, but it can happen. If so, that’s great. They can prove it to the next guy (or girl). Don’t be in a relationship with someone you no longer trust. It will destroy you.

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Diversity, Equity and Inclusion. Officially defined as policies and programs that promote the representation and participation of different groups of individuals. Except it doesn't include white men. It specifically excludes them while silencing them by calling them racist or misogynists if they object. It organizes traits of the rest of the people according to a notional victim status, with those higher up in the hierarchy gaining privilege at the expense of those below. Grifters calling themselves DEI experts and consultants have extracted millions of dollars from business and government offices promoting this divisive traitism. Reducing social cohesion makes people easier to control. Working in a diverse setting increases, rather than decreases, the breakdown of social trust, even within the same socio-economic class.

Men Going Their Own Way. A general philosophy (not a movement) of men focusing on themselves, rather than playing the rigged Western game of engaging with women and losing their assets and children to them through a legal system biased against men. As with all philosophies, there are some elements that are more radical.

Judging, elevating or favorably treating others by physical characteristics, or traits. Replaces racism due to the fact that there is only one race, human.

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The manipulative process by which individual or collective freedom of choice and action is compromised by agents or agencies that modify or distort perception, motivation, affect, cognition and/or behavioral outcomes. The person being mind controlled is not aware of the influence process, nor of the changes occurring within themselves. They believe they are acting according to their own choices.

A declaration of an intention or determination to inflict punishment, injury, etc. to frighten and emotionally force a person to do something.

The intentional manipulation of another person’s emotions to induce feelings of guilt. It is a form of emotional blackmail that is often designed to manipulate other people by preying on their emotions and making them feel responsible for something they are not.

Using sarcasm and put-downs to increase fear and self-doubt in the victim. Manipulators use this tactic to make others feel unworthy and therefore defer to them. Manipulators can make one feel ashamed for even daring to challenge them or say no.

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A manipulative tactic where someone portrays themselves as a victim to gain sympathy, attention, or caregiving. The goal is to make the person eliciting pity seem like a victim, which can make it easier to get what they want without being seen as a bad guy. This is because people are naturally inclined to help those they pity.

A woman is simultaneously a victim and empowered, until something happens. Then she chooses which state benefits her the most.

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Second Attack
Second Attack
First Attack
First Attack
Initial Dispositions
Initial Dispositions
ZSU 23-4
ZSU 23-4 Anti-Aircraft Gun
TOW Missile
TOW Anti-Tank Missile
T55 Tank
T55 Tank
SA7
SA7 Surface to Air Missile
M113
M113 Armored Personnel Carrier (APC)
M48 Tank
M48 Tank
Hawker Hunter
Hawker Hunter Jet
BTR-50
BTR-50 Armored Personnel Carrier
BM21 Stalin Organ
BM21 Stalin Organ
Howitzer
Howitzer
AT7 Anti-Tank Missile
AT7 Anti-Tank Missile
AT3 Sagger Anti-Tank Missile
AT3 Sagger Anti-Tank Missile
120mm Mortar
120mm Mortar
AT4 Anti-Tank Missile
AT4 Anti-Tank Missile

Moreover if your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault between you and him alone. If he hears you, you have gained your brother. But if he will not hear, take with you one or two more, that ‘by the mouth of two or three witnesses every word may be established.’ And if he refuses to hear them, tell it to the church. But if he refuses even to hear the church, let him be to you like a heathen and a tax collector.

A religious leader uses valid verses or concepts from the Bible about following and obeying God to generate enthusiasm in people, then misdirects that obedience to himself as a representative of God. The group believes they are following and obeying God, but in reality are obeying the leader.

A fictional, exaggerated version of an opposing viewpoint, especially one that is intentionally created to be easy to dismiss or argue against and to make one's own argument seem stronger. Straw man arguments can be made unintentionally, but most are made on purpose to make the other side seem evil, incompetent, or extremist.

The religious leader distracts members from mentally registering what he is doing.  Screaming praise to God when something he proclaimed does not come to pass.  Acting like a bad thing is really a good thing.  Just keep talking and talking and talking, while ignoring that nothing is happening. It is the same thing politicians have done successfully for years.

The leader calls members flattering adjectives or nouns, like righteous, holy, or saint.  These are often vague and difficult to define, so the member feels the leader’s superior knowledge has recognized something good in them.  Conversely, if the leader later withdraws this praise, the member is eager to toe the line to recover it.

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The use of jargon internal to (and only understandable by) the group. Constricting language constricts the person. Capacities for thinking and feeling are significantly reduced. Imagination is no longer a part of life experiences, and the mind atrophies from disuse.

The process whereby the group becomes the ultimate arbiter and all nonbelievers become so-called evil or non-people. If these non-people cannot be recruited, then they can be punished or even killed. This process creates an us-versus-them mentality that breeds fear in followers who learn that life depends on a willingness to obey. This is when individuals merge with the group’s belief.